Stepcoupling: Creating and Sustaining a Strong Marriage in Today's Blended Family

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 · 216 ratings  · 16 reviews

Showtime your review of Stepcoupling: Creating and Sustaining a Strong Union in Today's Blended Family

Dec xviii, 2011 Jules rated it information technology was ok

Every bit a stepmom in a composite family unit, I found this book helpful in many means. The authors offer what seems to me to be sound advice, and the many examples they quote from actual stepcouples helped put my experience in perspective. They also cover a wide range of subject material, and so almost every possible issue gets addressed in one way or another.

But in spite of these positive qualities, this book has such serious faults that I cannot recommend information technology. It's primary flaws are three:

a) It equates firs

As a stepmom in a composite family, I found this volume helpful in many ways. The authors offering what seems to me to be audio advice, and the many examples they quote from actual stepcouples helped put my experience in perspective. They too comprehend a broad range of subject material, and and so almost every possible consequence gets addressed in ane way or another.

Simply in spite of these positive qualities, this volume has such serious faults that I cannot recommend information technology. It's primary flaws are 3:

a) It equates kickoff families with biological families. Throughout the book, the authors use the term "biological parents" or "biological bonds" to describe the relationships between an original family unit, pre-divorce. Information technology seems never to accept occurred to them that at that place are such things as adoptions in this world. Or that, for example, in a family unit composed of a lesbian couple with a child, only one mother is biologically related to the kid, though both are the kid'south original parents.

What makes this error so damning is that they repeatedly assert that biological bonds are stronger than non-biological bonds between parents and children. Repeatedly, they say this. As if it were a well-known truth. This is Non what the science says, nor will it seem particularly relevant to the millions of adoptive parents out there (or to the millions of children who have piffling to no relationship with one or more than biological parents). What intelligent, well-trained therapist would repeatedly assume that all original families are biological? These authors are somehow cutting off from the professional field they claim to represent.

b) Arrangement. ORGANIZATION! Oh my god, the horrible organization.
This flaw has numerous sub-flaws that contribute to making it into a Mega Flaw. Here are the two biggest:

-- The volume has lumped an astonishing array of anecdotes and discussions into a few capacity with wide themes. These broad themes tell yous very petty nearly the specific topics that will be discussed in the chapter, so if you're really interested in only some of the topics covered by the book, yous will have no idea how to navigate direct to those parts. For instance, who would guess that there would be discussions of allowances, family finances, controlling authority, chores, household cleanliness, and hating your pace-child's friends -- all in a chapter entitled "Blending Your Sometimes Opposing Styles." Not helpful.

-- The book uses the following bizarre way of breaking up the sub-sections of a long chapter. Here it goes: They usually begin a chapter with a i-ii paragraph intro to the topic at hand. And and then they introduce each new topic with a short chestnut, unremarkably in italics, but sometimes in bold. Sometimes at that place will be a series of italicized anecdotes that connect to one another. Only sometimes a new anecdote opens a completely new topic. And sometimes the anecdotes are in bold -- which, I recollect, means that the authors are trying to cue up a quite different theme than what came before, just to exist honest, I never really figured out what it meant. Allow me be clear: in the many, many subsections of a chapter, in that location are no section titles, no department breaks indicated by white infinite or lines or bold-print subtitles. Cipher but these short paragraphs that are set in bold or italics. Information technology'due south impossible to know what's coming next or even the key theme of the section you are in.

3. Research methodology? The authors practise non cite any of the published studies on step-families. Which is strange plenty. Their advice seems to be coming from their own views, and they do not seem informed near any of the literature on the subject. Only they don't even explain the ground for their ain research. Who are these people whose anecdotes they shared? Are they clients from the chief authors' practice? Has the chief author conducted an extensive research study? And what are the authors' credentials for offering such sweeping, self-confident advice on any and all topics related to parenting and step-coupling? They say nothing virtually any of this.

Altogether, the volume, I think, is not trustworthy. It'due south as well unnavigable and crudely ignorant of nontraditional primary families. I estimate I'll keep looking.

...more than

Mar 23, 2009 Crystal rated it liked it

Information technology's no wonder the couples given as examples have issues. One-half of this book is merely common sense while the other half is a smack in the head to relationship-challenged people. It's no wonder the couples given equally examples have issues. Half of this book is just common sense while the other half is a smack in the caput to relationship-challenged people. ...more

Dec 07, 2019 Danielle rated it it was ok

Abandoned iii chapters in. The authors make a lot of assertions that are not backed up by the science, and they don't cite their sources. Specifically, they go on claiming that parents feel more than strongly towards kids who are biologically related to them than towards kids who are not, which is then much bunk I can't even bargain. Practise not recommend. Abandoned three chapters in. The authors brand a lot of assertions that are non backed up by the scientific discipline, and they don't cite their sources. Specifically, they keep claiming that parents feel more strongly towards kids who are biologically related to them than towards kids who are not, which is then much bunk I can't even deal. Do non recommend. ...more

Jun 09, 2009 Erin rated it really liked it

Recommends it for: divorced parents and their meaning others

I plant this book to exist very reassuring. It fabricated me realize my experiences were not all that unique, and it's helping me be more than patient with myself and my new family members. I exercise wish information technology had been more than specific on how I should be handling my particular situation, but aside from including a live therapist with each copy of the book, I don't know how the authors could exercise that. Well, they could focus less on couples where both have kids and more on couples where only one does. That would help me. I found this volume to be very reassuring. It fabricated me realize my experiences were not all that unique, and it'south helping me be more than patient with myself and my new family unit members. I practise wish it had been more specific on how I should exist handling my particular situation, but aside from including a live therapist with each copy of the book, I don't know how the authors could do that. Well, they could focus less on couples where both accept kids and more on couples where just one does. That would assist me. :) ...more

Expert book but...

I actually enjoyed this book. Information technology had great tools and tips. As a stepparent, I appreciated information technology. Even so, my ane qualms nearly this book was that it seemed to focus solely on two people with kids who form a union where each us a stepparent. I sympathize that happens frequently. For me, my married man had kids, I didn't. And I would have liked to hear about those experiences/tips/tricks likewise. But overall it was a great read!

Nov 27, 2017 Felicia rated it liked it

Has some good information only the unabridged volume is horribly disorganized

April 20, 2021 Charlie rated information technology it was astonishing

A self-help book for footstep-parents (peculiarly of teenagers). Pretty interesting and very straightforward writing. Full of helpful information.

Helpful advice and approaches for stepparents and composite families.

January 15, 2016 Chelsea rated it liked it

This wasn't bad, but not quite what I was expecting. It'southward really written for couples who take both divorced and have children. As a woman who has non e'er been married, and who does not and volition not accept children, there were entire sections I could skip.

The main matter I got from this was that stepcoupling is incredibly difficult (duh) and that it's fifty-fifty harder when you've both got kids from previous marriages (phew, glad that's non me).

There are some helpful thoughts, merely in that location's nada earth

This wasn't bad, just not quite what I was expecting. It's really written for couples who take both divorced and have children. Equally a woman who has not ever been married, and who does not and volition not accept children, in that location were entire sections I could skip.

The main thing I got from this was that stepcoupling is incredibly difficult (duh) and that it's even harder when y'all've both got kids from previous marriages (phew, glad that's not me).

There are some helpful thoughts, but there's nothing world shattering in here that wouldn't have already occurred to you if you had a healthy relationship to begin with.

...more

Jun 07, 2013 Kristi rated it information technology was ok

This book kind of rubbed me the wrong manner. It was really badly organized. It jumped all over the place with no logic whatsoever. In improver, the authors interviewed about v "step couples" and use their anecdotes on pretty much every single page. I got really tired of hearing stories from "Julie, age 41, step coupling for four years." The advice isn't bad if you can actually get through the book though. It besides seems like it would be validating and idea provoking for couples who are only b This book kind of rubbed me the incorrect manner. It was really desperately organized. Information technology jumped all over the place with no logic whatsoever. In addition, the authors interviewed near five "stride couples" and employ their anecdotes on pretty much every unmarried page. I got actually tired of hearing stories from "Julie, age 41, step coupling for four years." The advice isn't bad if you tin actually get through the book though. It as well seems like it would be validating and thought provoking for couples who are just showtime this journey. ...more than

Sep 05, 2014 Tom rated information technology actually liked it

I plant this book helpful mostly in showing some of the problems I would face coming into a family unit as a soon-to-be stepparent. It does a practiced job of exploring the dynamics between the 2 adults equally well as between the parent and child and between the stepparent and child. Pretty useful as a primer, as long equally yous proceed in listen that your situation is unique and won't exactly replicate any of the cases discussed in the book. I found this book helpful mostly in showing some of the issues I would face coming into a family as a shortly-to-be stepparent. Information technology does a good job of exploring the dynamics between the two adults as well equally between the parent and kid and between the stepparent and child. Pretty useful equally a primer, every bit long as you continue in mind that your situation is unique and won't exactly replicate any of the cases discussed in the book. ...more

Excellent read with first-class perspectives. Even though I wouldn't agree with everything contained herein, the cloth is thought provoking and provides guidance to critical topics and points. Actually helpful for step couples, and nuclear families alike. Today who doesn't know a sister - brother - or friend who is challenged in this mode. For a great understanding of families and the challenges we face up in our ain marriages and those of people close to us, this is a 'goodread.' Excellent read with excellent perspectives. Fifty-fifty though I wouldn't agree with everything contained herein, the material is thought provoking and provides guidance to critical topics and points. Really helpful for stride couples, and nuclear families alike. Today who doesn't know a sis - brother - or friend who is challenged in this mode. For a great understanding of families and the challenges we face in our own marriages and those of people close to us, this is a 'goodread.' ...more than

May 13, 2009 Kam rated information technology liked it

provides some good information that is very general in scope. would like to see a book that focuses more on private case studies instead of a collection of quotations scattered throughout the text. also very parent-axial (both partners already have children from previous relationships). was hoping it would take more insight on individuals who did non already have children...

Apr 12, 2009 Elaine rated it it was amazing

Wow. So many good $.25 of communication in this book whether or not you're dealing with a step family state of affairs. I'd actually like to have my sister read it for some of the stuff going on in her relationship! I might actually want to buy this book. Wow. So many good bits of advice in this volume whether or non you're dealing with a step family state of affairs. I'd actually similar to have my sister read it for some of the stuff going on in her relationship! I might actually want to purchase this book. ...more

October 01, 2009 Gwen rated it really liked it

So, why didn't I choice upwardly this kind of volume 10 years ago? Guess I just wasn't gear up ; ) Would accept been squeamish to know that it takes iv -vii years for a step family to feel like a family and why. So, why didn't I option up this kind of book 10 years ago? Guess I simply wasn't ready ; ) Would have been nice to know that information technology takes 4 -7 years for a step family to feel like a family and why. ...more than

October 21, 2014 Jess Dollar rated information technology really liked it

I thought this was a neat footling book on how to deal with the challenges of blended families. It's a quick read and I plant it actually hit the nail on the caput many times! I thought this was a great little book on how to deal with the challenges of blended families. It'due south a quick read and I found it really striking the blast on the caput many times! ...more

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